His Relationships with His Wives

Prophet Muhammad's (p.b.u.h.) married life started with Khadija and continued with his other marriages. It was said that at the time of his death, he had nine wives.

Six of the Prophet's wives were from Quraish. These are Hadhrat Khadija, Aisha, Hafsah, Om Habibah, Om Salamah and Sawdah. His other wives from non-Quraysh Arabs were Hadhrat Zaynab bint Jahsh, Maymunah bint Kharis, Zaynab bint Khuzaymah, Juwayriyyah bint Kharis. And his non-Arab wives were Safiyyah bint Huyay and Mariyyah al-Qiptiyyah, both from the tribe of Banu Nadir. Two of Prophet's wives who died while he was alive were Khadhrat Khadija and Zaynab bint Huzaymah.

Prophet Muhammad's family life was shaped around islamic principles and he implemented in his own life the principles he preached to his ummah. The following advice of the Prophet for ensuring peace and happiness in the family both in this world and in the hereafter gives us the fundamentals of peace and happiness: "The best among you are those who behave best toward their wives. I am the best among you toward his wives. The best among you is the one  who is the kindest to his wife and the worst among you is the one who treats his wife badly."

All of the Prophet's children, except for Ibrahim, were from Hadhrat Khadija. They were Qasim, Abdallah, Zaynab, Ruqiyyah, Om Kolsoum and Fatimah. Other son of the Prophet, Ibrahim, was from Mariyyah who was sent to him as a gift from Muqavqis. Although his sons died when they were quite young, his daughters grew up and got married.

Prophet Muhammad's marriages, which involved a multitude of situations and aspects, were models for muslims in all respects. While his marriage to Khadija introduces to us an example of monogamous life, his other marriages brings up a rich variety of his attitudes towards his different wives each with a different personality.

The first point to be made about these relationships is the commitment of spouses to each other on the principle of honesty and loyalty. We can find numerous examples of honesty and loyalty between the Prophet and his wives on which they built a happy and peaceful family life. The first example of great loyalty in the family life of the Prophet is the commitment of Khadija, whom he married after their acquaintance through business. Khadija was always there to support him spiritually and financially both before and after his prophethood. When he first received divine revelation, Prophet Muhammad was frightened and worried and the first thing he did was to go to Khadija and tell her about the his situation. Khadija reminded him of his good virtues and told him ‘By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you.' and she relieved him by explaining to him that he was visited by an angel and that he was a prophet.

Another example of loyalty and commitment between Allah's Apostle and his wives was the freedom he gave to his wives on the basis of divine command to choose  between him or worldly benefits when they asked from him for material things, at the end of which, they always chose Allah, His Apostle and the life of the Hereafter.

In return for his wives' loyalty and commitment to him, Prophet Muhammad always observed their rights. The truth of the matter is that observing the rights of one's spouse is a principle set by the Quran itself, which can be seen in the following verse: "...And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) in kindness..."  Examples to the Prophet's careful observation of the rights of his wives are plenty. For instance, he would draw lots among his wives before he would go on an expedition and each time he would take one of them with him by turns. Again, he would allow a day and a night for each of them. Although in many hadith reports he was said to have more affection for Aisha, this never led him to treat his wives unequally or unfairly. As a matter of fact, he signified the importance of this matter, examples of which he practiced in his own life as a model for all the muslims, within the framework of the basic principles he preached in his Last Khutba (sermon): "O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women, but they also have rights over you.  Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under ALLAH's trust and with HIS permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers."

Once asked by one of his companions about the rights of wives over their husbands, he said: "That you should give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her on the face, do not revile her or separate yourself from her except in the house."

Likewise, all the wives of Prophet Muhammad observed his rights over them both as a husband and a Prophet and they acted with care and respect when it came to protecting his prophetic attributes. Once Abu Sufyan, who was the chief of the Meccan polytheists, came to Madinah to request an extension of the duration of the Hudaybiyyah Agreement. When he saw that he was not quite welcome by people, he thought he could go to his daughter, Om Habibah and ask for her help. When he entered the house of her daughter, he wanted to sit on the bench of Allah's Apostle, but her daughter did not allow him. Abu Sufyan asked her, ‘Oh daughter! Which do you think, that this bench is not worth me or that I am not worth this bench?'. She said: ‘You are a polytheist and you are impure. That's why you can not sit on the bench of Allah's Apostle.' Her answer was an open manifestation of her utmost sensitivity.

What is also integral to happiness and peace in family life is love and respect between spouses, which finds its expressions in many of the Prophet's ahadith and in actual examples from his life. In a hadith, he says: "The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is someone who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best toward their wives". Also, other ahadith like,"A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another." and "I advise you to treat your wives well" are all commands to foster love and respect between spouses.

 Prophet Muhammad never forgot the sacrifices Hadhrat Khadija made and the respect she had for him and he always cherished her memory with love and respect. Once when he talked about her, Aisha told him, ‘Why do you keep talking about that old woman? Allah gave you better ones than her.' Allah's Apostle got upset at her remark and replied: ‘"Allah has not given me a better one. She believed in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was noone else to lend me a helping hand. She used her property for me when noone gave me anything and she gave me children when noone gave me children. ". On the other hand, when asked about who was dearest to him, Allah's Apostle said ‘Aisha' from among women and ‘her father' from among men, which is a clear expression of his love and respect for his wives.

We can see that, along with tolerance and sacrifice, solidarity and support in good and bad times play an important part in Prophet Muhammad's relationships with members of his family. He always welcomed their appropriate wishes and actions and helped them.  Once Hadhrat Aisha wanted to watch the sword show of a team from Habesh in the yard of the mosque, the Prophet accepted her request and waited till the end of the show.

When Safiyyah, whom the Prophet wed after the conquest of Khaybar came to Madinah, Aisha went to visit her. On her return from the visit, the Prophet asked her how she found Safiyyah and Aisha said, ‘Just like a Jewish girl.' The Prophet did not get angry with this answer given for some personal reasons and also as a reaction to the beauty of Safiyyah, he only said, 'O Aisha, don't say that, she accepted Islam and how beautiful her Islam is.' to correct her.

Members of Prophet Muhammad's family were his greatest helpers in the face of hardships. We could find in their lives the peaks of solidarity. The year the Hudaybiyyah Agreement was made, muslims intended to make umra (a visit to the Kaba'a), wore their ihram (to be clothed in two seamless sheets to perform Hajj or Umra) and prepared to sacrifice animals. In spite of all these preparations, the polytheists did not allow Muslims in Mecca and made an agreement with the Prophet. The agreement not only involved some articles that were not in favor of the muslims but it also stopped them from making umra that year. When this agreement was signed, the Muslims got very upset and had difficulty accepting its conditions.

Although the Prophet told them three times: "Get on your feet, sacrifice your animals, shave and take off your ihram." noone was willing to do anything. He became very upset and  went to his wife, Om Salamah, who was with him at that time, and told her about the situation. Safiyyah answeed: "O Allah's Apostle! Go out, sacrifice your animal without talking to anyone, then call someone, let him shave you and take off your ihram." The Prophet did as she told and took off his ihram.  Then his companions did the same when they saw what he did although they were a bit half-hearted. This incident shows us how Om Salamah saw how the companions of the Prophet did not want to obey him because of their unhappiness with the situation and also their hatred of the polytheists and how this left the Prophet upset and in despair. The advice she gave at such a critical moment both helped the companions to obey the word of the Prophet and to relieve the Prophet's burden.

Another distinctive attribute of the family of the Prophet was their patience and contentment in the face of material depravity. While some of the Prophet's wives were poor, some of them were from rich families. All of them, however, by wedding with the Prophet renounced any prospect of material prosperity and exemplified a greater patience. Aisha narrates, "A complete month would pass by during which we would not make a fire (for cooking), and our food used to be only dates and water unless we were given a present of some meat." Again, in another report of hadith, she says: "The family of Muhammad had never eaten their fill of wheat bread for three successive days since they had migrated to Medina till the death of the Prophet. ". These are all exemplary expressions of altruism and patience.

We can find innumerous reports which show that the Prophet wished for a life of modesty and thankfulness to Allah for whatever He provides instead of leading a rich, prosperous life.  The prophet used to make the following dua (invocation): "O Allah, keep me in the company of the poor. Let me die in poverty, raise me with the poor on the Day of Judgement." Aisha once asked the Prophet, "Why do you ask to be kept in the company of the poor, let you die in poverty and raise you with the poor?"
Rasulullah replied, "The poor will enter the Paradise before the rich." After a pause he added, "O Aisha, never turn a needy person away from your door. Give him something, though it be only a piece of a date. Respect the poor and love them in spite of their poverty. If you bring the poor and needy closer to you, Allah will bring you closer to himself."

The following hadith of Allah's Apostle gives us the broadest perspective on the issue of education of propriety, good morals, virtues and knowledge within the family: " All of you are shepherds and each one is responsible for his flock. A leader of a people is a shepherd and responsible for them. A man is a shepherd over his family and is responsible for them. A woman is a shepherd over her husband's house and his children and she is responsible for them..."